He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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