Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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