dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
