Already got asked if we're dating
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
