I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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