omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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