We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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