If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
