I wish I could teleport
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
