Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
