were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
