So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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