So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
