Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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