turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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