Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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