You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you inspire me to be a worse person
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
