508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
