Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
