dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
