I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
