She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
