white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
