Where are you?
In a non slutty way
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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