I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
