I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
3pm strippers are depressing
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
