so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
