just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
