Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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