fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
