So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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