Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
