Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
