quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
