He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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