I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
