Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
