What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
