There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
