Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
