My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
