I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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