I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
