You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
