dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
