dude i'm inner monologue high
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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