Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
