i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
