u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
