He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
