i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
