maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
