I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
