a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
