Quick, to the slutcave!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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