We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My vagina is officially offended.
When are your genitals available?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
