i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
