If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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