Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
