I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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