i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
